Thursday, September 8, 2016

Tired of hiding bottles

I'm tired of hiding bottles.

I'm tired of hiding full bottles.

I'm tired of hiding empty bottles.

I don't want to sneak up to public rubbish bins to stuff them with my empties anymore.

I'm so tired of thinking about my alcohol supply. Or whether the supermarket cashier remembers me from yesterday, when I also checked out two bottles of wine. Or the day before. Or the day before. I'm grateful for supermarket continuous shift rosters, because it means that every day there's a different lady in charge of supervising and approving the self-checkout alcohol purchases, which means they don't clock on to my repeated buying habits.

Or do they?

Or do they even care?

I've signed up for a 6 week programme with Sober Sassy Life. It starts next Monday. So I'll try to drink as much as I can fit in before Monday. Was that meant as a joke? I don't even know.

I've had an online chat with Sober Sassy Life's Jackie today. It was great. She gets me. My husband doesn't. But that's another story. Unfortunately, our chat was cut short when my laptop decided to go to sleep during our Google Hangout chat and then froze and died. Still, I'm looking forward to the 6-week programme.

I've had many "day 1" days in the last couple of years. I want the next "day 1" to be my last.

As of now, I'm somewhere around day -4 or -3 or so.

3 comments:

  1. Hello. I love that you've started your blog before you've reached day one. Very empowering for you. Go well xo

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  2. Hi
    This is a powerful honest post. God I hate that feeling. The bottle hiding paranoia. The shopping for wine paranoia. The guilt making us feel like unworthy humans
    Good for you. I read recovery can start before on or after abstinence. sounds like you have been on the recovery side of alcohol for some time. Congrats xx I am going to read through tonight and thanks for letting me know you are around!
    Michelle x

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