Fools

Day 11

Double digit. In German 11 is called the fool's number. I don't feel much like counting days. In fact, I had to go to www.livingsober.org, (where you can put in the day of your last drink and it calculates your sober days for you) to look up how many days I've been sober.

It also calculates how much money you have saved if you tell it your typical weekly spend.

Looking at that number grow and grow I do indeed feel like a fool.

All that money that I have spent on alcohol, just so that I could cease to function efficiently, do foolish things and make a fool of myself in front of others.

With all the bad things going for drinking, why would anyone who managed to get sober, be foolish enough to want to go back to drinking again?

I must confess, these last 11 days have been frightfully easy. No cravings. Nothing. Nada.

I feel normal. I don't constantly think about drinking, like I used to. You know, the guilt, the self-flagellation, the endless discussions with self, the planning, scheming, organising of alcohol acquisition, the drinking on the sly, planning the day to cram as much drinking into it as possible, the sleepless hours at night, the hangovers, the disposing of empties. I really don't miss that.

But unless my previous attempts at quitting, I also don't constantly think about NOT drinking. There are a few thoughts now and then, but nothing that really cuts deep or raises concerns.

I have not done any sober socialising yet, though. Tomorrow will be the first of that. To put me on the spot, I have volunteered to be one of the people who greet the arriving guest at the door with a tray of bubblies. I figured I will need both hands to hold the tray, so my hands will be occupied and I won't need a glass to hold on to. It will also occupy my mind, greeting people, chatting.

Let's see how that goes.