Thirty-three

Looks like I've reached 33 days sober today and saved a bunch of money. Which I spent yesterday on a nice Icebreaker jacket that will hopefully last me a lot longer than the wine ever did.

No regrets still. Feeling fine and not thinking much about drinking.

I do notice that the bad memories are getting a bit weaker, though.

Also, some thought running through my head that are almost like a reflex. A behaviour that I used to show for such a long time that it kicks in immediately when a trigger is pulled.

For example, hubby going away for a few days and my beast/wine witch/wolfie immediately tells me "Hey, he's gone, let's have a party with lots of drinks!!" Fuck off, witch!

To help her do that, I  think of where that one night of drinking would take me. If I had just one glass of red this Friday night, I would want "just" one bottle, then I would want "just" another bottle, and I'd pass out rather than fall asleep. I'd be awake at 3 pm, would suck the bathroom tap empty and then toss and turn until 7. Maybe fall asleep for an hour then and wake up again with a headache and a bad mood. Would spend the day with blurry peripheral vision and not fit to drive, startled by things that suddenly cross my view port. Around noon I'd start to have "just" a glass and by 5 pm I'd be well into the second bottle of red again. I'd get the bare basics done, which would include buying sufficient booze to keep me "in the red" (wine) all weekend.

No, I don't want to do this any more.

I feel a lot better without that pest of alcohol destroying my life.

Looking forward to a productive weekend.